Sharing Appreciation

According to Merriam-Webster, appreciation is defined as ‘a feeling or expression of admiration, approval, or gratitude’. How do you feel when someone shares that they appreciate you? For most, receiving positive feedback from others can be encouraging. It can also add significant personal meaning, based on particular factors, such as their relationship with the giver and the context surrounding the appreciation shared. For instance, for someone who performed a particular task/assignment that required a great deal of personal sacrifice, knowing that it made a huge difference in someone else’s life makes their sacrifice feel worth it. Or, maybe someone receives a compliment from a person who is usually very critical, and this means more to them than a compliment they might receive from say a close friend, because it’s unexpected and comes as a pleasant surprise.

Although it would seem fairly easy to share appreciation with others, for some, perhaps many, sharing appreciation can be difficult. Maybe you don’t really appreciate or admire someone personally, yet there are particular words or actions that you do. Yet, it can be hard to separate the two at times. It is unfortunate when this happens, however, for both the giver and receiver. Healthy messaging at its core is one's ability to align words, actions, and values, and doing so with the intention of achieving specific outcomes, the absence of which can cause challenges personally, professionally, and organizationally. When this isn’t the case, it can still be important to be able to ‘agree to disagree’ and acknowledge what you do appreciate about others, giving credit where it’s due as the saying goes. Maybe being able to acknowledge what you appreciate about someone isn’t as much of an issue as putting words to your feelings. For some, there could even be a fear of saying the wrong thing or being rejected. I recall hearing someone share about their experiences growing up at home with a parent who loved them but was not very communicative with them. They refrained from speaking very much due to their own experiences growing up with verbal abuse and consequent uncertainty about what to share. There could also be the decision to not speak because of the belief that speaking more can cause less good, even if the comments are largely positive. 

Regarding the last point, another important question is whether or not it’s necessary to hear how people feel about you and if it’s more necessary to understand your own value. This speaks to a larger point about being secure within oneself, and I do feel that it’s crucial to be sure of oneself, especially in the face of adversity. Yet, it’s also important to be affirmed and to affirm others, especially if you are a leader or have influence over others personally and professionally. 

At the least, people should know that they are seen, but even more so how their presence impacts others and why they are valuable. Thus, sharing your appreciation for others is a great way to provide support and ongoing feedback. This acknowledges and affirms them, helps to identify strengths, skills, and abilities, guides, and provides opportunities for dialogue and discussion. You might have heard about the ‘sandwich method’ for sharing constructive feedback which involves starting and ending with something positive and inserting what may be negative in the middle. I don’t know how helpful this is at all times, particularly if what may be positive is irrelevant to the conversation and only distracts from what could be shared. The goal is to be specific and clear about what the issue at hand is. The intent is to be purposeful while thoughtful. For leaders or individuals who have influence over others, including mentors and coaches, I believe this presents an opportunity to support people in the most meaningful ways at some of the most difficult times, reminding them about their identity and values, personal and/or professional goals and strengths, and how they may continue to grow along these lines as it relates to any constructive feedback you might share.

Consider how you might grow in your ability to share appreciation with others. How is appreciation important for you in your growth? What impact does appreciation have on achieving overall outcomes? 

I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.

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