Building Community: Navigating Conflicts
Community can be defined as a unified body of individuals — individuals who possess similar interests or seek to achieve a shared goal or vision. Not just what one experiences within a particular group or place, community takes place wherever people with commonalities come together, from home to work to society at large. Building community with people is foundational but can be challenging to achieve, even amongst individuals who know each other well. We have all likely encountered some aspect of this within our families or other close associations. Oftentimes within shared spaces, individuals can have differing ideas or opinions, which can lead to conflicts, and at times, separation. If the latter is necessary, this doesn’t have to be negative per se, especially if it supports those involved. If done well, all should feel respected, heard/considered, and that they have a mutual understanding of plans moving forward. Instead, what can happen is people are subjected to miscommunication, blame, criticism, hostility, and/or are ultimately “written off” by the other. While all of these experiences are important areas of concern, this content focuses on the latter. The idiom “to write someone off” means to no longer consider someone of value or to dismiss someone that has been deemed to be a failure, often following an instance or instances of them not living up to someone else’s expectations, which may or may not have even been communicated in the first place. It’s never good when relationships come to this but it’s a far more common practice than we may realize.
Underlying Issues
There are a number of reasons why conflicts arise between members within communities. There may be underlying issues with self-esteem, an overwhelming reliance or dependency of one on the other, unaddressed anger, undesirable control or manipulation, and/or unreasonable expectations of one another, to name some possibilities. If either or other conflicts persist, it may be an appropriate decision to part ways with someone. This could also be the case for a larger group or organization. Unhealthy behaviors expressed by one party, or both, can cause distress or harm and ultimately detract from the purpose at hand. The person or persons exhibiting unhealthy behaviors may not even be aware of any issues or, if aware, struggle to do things differently, and it takes decisive decision-making, and courage, on the part of one or both to acknowledge that there is a problem and that they want change. If there is a lack of self-awareness or understanding amongst the group, this could be confusing and hurtful to learn. Yet, it’s just as necessary to go through as it could provide an opportunity for growth for all.
Knowing the Difference
On the other hand, a misunderstanding within communities that causes an unfortunate, and at times unnecessary, conflict is the belief that to be unified you have to agree on everything. There may be foundational ideas that unite individuals, say a company’s mission, vision, and core values, but disagreements on the goals focused on or methods used to achieve objectives that separate them. Then there may be personal differences between individuals — what someone likes vs doesn’t.
If there are differences in foundational beliefs, conflicts can arise. Thus, it’s important to evaluate how one aligns or not personally and professionally with others or a larger system. However, it would be beneficial to separate this from differences of opinion on matters that have no true bearing on anyone personally or the overall objective, or which could be improved through training or mentoring. We are all unique, bringing varying perspectives, convictions, and skills/abilities to the table. It’s imperative that we learn how to navigate these differences in a way that supports others and fulfills the greater purpose. As previously noted, if necessary, separation doesn’t have to be negative if done well and ultimately contributes to the tasks at hand and the health/wellbeing of others. But, writing someone off for reasons that are unclear or that are unjustifiable only perpetuates underlying issues and causes greater challenges.
Healthy Messaging
It’s always helpful to consider the messaging behind words and actions. In the case of “writing someone off,” this communicates an unwillingness to navigate conflicts while embracing the value that people can offer. An “all or nothing” mentality can be restrictive, if not controlling and manipulative. (However, this is different from being held accountable for fulfilling reasonable expectations, say for maintaining a role or position.)
Working through conflicts when it’s possible to do so is a major component of building community and communicates openness, patience, and support, one to another. See some tips on avoiding writing people off at work and other considerations for leaders.
How do you navigate conflicts with others? What are your thoughts about writing someone off? How can you show support to others with whom you share interests or goals?
I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect or receive support, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.
Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.
Your Best Work
Over the years I have found that my best work involves great struggles and challenges. One might read this and think this is hard to believe or understand, but it’s true. In some cases, it has been a sad truth but in every case it has been meaningful and purposeful. Working with others, particularly individuals who may struggle with various mental health disorders, especially personality disorders, can be a feat in itself, but working with organizations that perpetuate unhealthy behaviors can be a greater task, even insurmountable at times. Yet, these are the conditions that have produced my best work.
In pursuing my professional goals, I knew early on (between completing undergraduate and graduate studies) that I wanted to work in leadership and organizational behavior. What I did not know was the trials that faced me in the areas of work I held dear. I’ve observed unhealthy communication amongst staff, minimal to no support in leadership, and antagonistic behaviors, including hostile, retaliatory, and punitive actions, on all organizational levels. Yet, the most toxic work environments I have been in have provided me with the opportunity to do what I do best - model clear and consistent communication, advocate for positive professional and organizational growth and change, make recommendations for process improvements and ethical decision-making, and implement strategies to achieve outcomes. As well, my experiences affirmed my personal and professional calling/purpose and developed my strengths as a leader and professional. Most of all, I found the resolve to stay true to myself and what I believed was right. It taught me to never give up. The courage and tenacity I knew that I had was etched into my very being (there are times when you are faced with the opportunity to not just know something but to know it so much so that no one or nothing can take it from you).
For me, how diamonds are formed comes to mind, which you may be familiar with too. Their development requires intense pressure and heat. True to my experiences, many times I have felt like I have been in the fire. The struggles have been real and profound. At the same time, I know I was built for and have been prepared for them. Think about your experiences. You too possess a unique set of strengths and abilities and require a unique set of conditions that will produce the best that you have to offer. Consider these questions:
What is your best work?
Do you find that there are times when you do your best work?
What conditions - environments, circumstances, and situations, support you in doing your best work?
It may take time to understand what you thrive in and where, and that’s ok. We are all continuing to grow and learn. If you’re not quite sure, consider what you’re passionate about (if you could do anything, what would it be?) and what you do well. And when you know more, or if you do currently, let your light shine brightly. Get connected with others of like mind and heart. Continue to grow and most of all, pursue your best work.
I would love to hear more about your best work.
Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.
Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.
What’s Your Story?
Most, if not all people have the hope that they would spend their time doing work that they are passionate about and love. Professionals in mental health or human services may pursue work in their respective fields because they love working with and helping others. Some could also be motivated by their own experiences, including personal identification with the mental, emotional, and/or physical challenges they themselves or loved ones have lived through, and desire to share their insights or give back in response to how they or someone they knew was supported.
When you think about your life, what would you say are the experiences that have shaped your work? How is your work representative of your experiences, as well as your interests, passions, skills/abilities, and values? Overall, what does your experiences/work say about you? What is the message that you convey? Likewise, what do people think of when they think of you and/or your work? Is this representative of your message?
Your story tells others about you and your experiences, interests/passions, challenges, successes, and overall, what makes you unique. Your story is very powerful. Oftentimes though, we don’t think of the impact of our stories on others. What can someone else learn from your story? How can your story help others? Another component of stories that is very important to keep in mind is the use of stories as a vehicle to share your message – what you want people to know about you, your mission/vision, and business and/or services, as well as challenges and successes.
My focus and interest in mental health is fueled by my compassion for the healing and growth of others and my desire to see professionals and organizations convey healthy messages in words and actions.
Think about your story and message. Also, recall the questions I shared at the beginning of this writing. Additionally, consider how you can ensure that your story and your message is clear and consistent.
Tell me more about your story. I would love to read your message.
I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.
Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.