The Power of Silence
Have you ever taken a moment to sit in perfect silence? If so, what was that like for you? I have personally found it to be extremely peaceful — it presents an opportunity to think thoughtfully and hear the sounds around and within. Unfortunately, I don’t find that I do it often enough. In considering this, I would like to propose to you that there is power in keeping silent when it comes to expressing oneself verbally in the midst of difficult or challenging conversations. There is often a tendency to feel the need to RESPOND, particularly when one feels pressured or backed into a corner. I would say it has become almost ingrained in us to have to have an answer for everything. It requires awareness and practice to skillfully approach communication, including how one adjusts messages in the face of adversity, which is why I personally labor in this area and seek to support others to be successful in the messages they share. I have even prided myself on communication — being responsive to people’s inquiries, including getting back to them in a timely manner, checking in or following up, letting others know they are heard, providing thoughtful responses, and giving a voice to areas that need change. Yet, I have put more pressure on myself than I should when it comes to responding to unhealthy or negative communication from others. In these cases, I have not always used silence to my advantage.
There are times when people can be confrontational, maybe even hostile towards you (there is a time and place for necessary, healthy confrontation). You have likely experienced this in your own life, including your work. What do you do in those moments? Maybe you become defensive and shut down or become upset and match them in their communication with you. Maybe you become angry, scared, or anxious. Maybe there is the urge to feel heard, liked, even “right”. Maybe you do not respond at all. Not giving a response is not entirely what I mean by keeping silent. I believe we should get to a place where we can acknowledge what people are saying without responding in a way that is out of character or that causes unnecessary conflict or hardship. What I am advocating for is stopping to pause before responding and, if necessary, choosing to hold back from saying what you may feel pressured to say in the moment or think thoughtfully about the response that will speak directly to the present need(s). Think about what your experiences would be like if you considered and put this into practice. If this was our standard practice, I imagine we would have more opportunities for open dialogue and to gain mutual understanding and ultimately healthier relationships.
This is an area I have been working through steadfastly for several years with failures and successes. I am regularly reminding myself to give room to respond in a way that adds value, not only to myself but to others. I believe it is an area majorly in need of attention personally and professionally, especially when it comes to being in communication with those who are emotionally/mentally vulnerable. The goal is to offer the best solution while supporting all who are involved, including yourself. If you’re like me and you’ve had an unpleasant or challenging encounter with someone and you didn’t respond in the way you wanted to (in my case, giving as brief and simple a response as possible with assurance and confidence), you begin to beat yourself up and mull over what you would have done differently. I would like to encourage you not to beat yourself up and use it as an opportunity to learn from the experience so you can be successful next time. I would also like to encourage you to do something we don’t think to do enough, which is communicate the fact that you need time to think about an appropriate response and will get back to them. 😊 Or, when appropriate, you might ask questions instead of giving answers. I come back to my earlier and ultimate recommendation to embrace, and not fear, silence. Consider how you would like to respond to others in the midst of challenging conversations. Remember. Take time out. Be kind to and patient with yourself and thoughtful of others. Craft healthy messages.
I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
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