Effective Self-disclosure
Self-disclosure seems clear enough — one’s disclosure about themselves. However, self-disclosure involves a lot more consideration than what might be perceived — what should someone disclose, and when, and how does one self-disclose effectively? In today’s age of sharing what one thinks, does, or believes on a regular basis online, the art and science behind self-disclosure might not readily come to mind.
What is self-disclosure?
According to the Berkley Well-Being Institute, self-disclosure “is an aspect of communication that involves intentionally sharing personal information about ourselves with another person — information that others generally could not know without us sharing it.”
Why self-disclose?
Sharing about ourselves is a way for us to connect with others. The extent of what we share, however, could depend on the relationship and also help shape those relationships. For instance, we might share something less personal, say an interest we have, with someone we’re just getting to know but more personal (i.e., something we’re struggling with) with a close friend, family member, or mentor who we’ve grown to trust.
How much should someone self-disclose?
While it’s important to open up with others we want to get to know, and they us, we also want to keep in mind that self-disclosure is incremental in effective interpersonal relationships. Over-disclosing, and often, can be overwhelming or burdensome for the listener. The goal is to share the right amount of information. This speaks to the intention or purpose one has for sharing.
The bottom line
Overall, self-disclosure helps individuals form close, intimate social connections. There are also mental and physical health benefits of talking with others. It has been found that repressing emotions can have adverse health effects. Thus, being able to share information with individuals who will have a positive response to what is shared can be extremely impactful. And if we’re a listener, we want to be mindful of the significant role that we can play in supporting others in their sharing. Ultimately, we want to be someone that people can trust/confide in and respect.
The key to effective self-disclosure is sharing information intentionally.
Be other-centered when you disclose. Consider how what you share will affect the other person; don’t disclose just for the sake of disclosing.
Remember self-disclosure is incremental in effective interpersonal relationships. Be careful not to reveal too much too soon.
Decrease self-disclosure if you’re talking to someone and they are not reciprocating/responding.
Share stories, versus history, to invite the listener in/to respond.
What are your thoughts about self-disclosure? How comfortable are you with sharing about yourself with others? Are you someone that people feel safe disclosing information to?
I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect or receive support, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.
Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.
Your Best Work
Over the years I have found that my best work involves great struggles and challenges. One might read this and think this is hard to believe or understand, but it’s true. In some cases, it has been a sad truth but in every case it has been meaningful and purposeful. Working with others, particularly individuals who may struggle with various mental health disorders, especially personality disorders, can be a feat in itself, but working with organizations that perpetuate unhealthy behaviors can be a greater task, even insurmountable at times. Yet, these are the conditions that have produced my best work.
In pursuing my professional goals, I knew early on (between completing undergraduate and graduate studies) that I wanted to work in leadership and organizational behavior. What I did not know was the trials that faced me in the areas of work I held dear. I’ve observed unhealthy communication amongst staff, minimal to no support in leadership, and antagonistic behaviors, including hostile, retaliatory, and punitive actions, on all organizational levels. Yet, the most toxic work environments I have been in have provided me with the opportunity to do what I do best - model clear and consistent communication, advocate for positive professional and organizational growth and change, make recommendations for process improvements and ethical decision-making, and implement strategies to achieve outcomes. As well, my experiences affirmed my personal and professional calling/purpose and developed my strengths as a leader and professional. Most of all, I found the resolve to stay true to myself and what I believed was right. It taught me to never give up. The courage and tenacity I knew that I had was etched into my very being (there are times when you are faced with the opportunity to not just know something but to know it so much so that no one or nothing can take it from you).
For me, how diamonds are formed comes to mind, which you may be familiar with too. Their development requires intense pressure and heat. True to my experiences, many times I have felt like I have been in the fire. The struggles have been real and profound. At the same time, I know I was built for and have been prepared for them. Think about your experiences. You too possess a unique set of strengths and abilities and require a unique set of conditions that will produce the best that you have to offer. Consider these questions:
What is your best work?
Do you find that there are times when you do your best work?
What conditions - environments, circumstances, and situations, support you in doing your best work?
It may take time to understand what you thrive in and where, and that’s ok. We are all continuing to grow and learn. If you’re not quite sure, consider what you’re passionate about (if you could do anything, what would it be?) and what you do well. And when you know more, or if you do currently, let your light shine brightly. Get connected with others of like mind and heart. Continue to grow and most of all, pursue your best work.
I would love to hear more about your best work.
Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.
Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.