Healthy Messages™ 10/31/22 Healthy Messages™ 10/31/22

Say What You Mean

You may have heard the phrase say what you mean, and mean what you say. For me, this means to clearly communicate my wishes and intentions while being fully committed to what is conveyed. I find saying what one means especially relevant for healthy communication. It demonstrates one’s ability to be open, honest, patient/thoughtful, considerate, and confident. Oftentimes we can exhibit behaviors that are the opposite of this - closed, dishonest, impatient or hasty, inconsiderate, and uncertain or fearful. We can display varying forms of communication, whether excessive (wasteful), limited to none, and even abusive in nature. I imagine we can all relate to the challenge of communicating how we may truly feel. It can certainly be challenging to express feelings in ways that are clear, transparent, consistent, and meaningful.

It’s possible we might not even recognize the times we aren’t sharing our wishes or intentions clearly. Two types of communication that are worth noting are passive-aggression and sarcasm. Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines passive-aggressive as being marked by or displaying behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive passive way (as through procrastination and stubbornness). In other words, someone’s feelings may be shown in a physical way but otherwise not communicated directly. Sarcasm, according to Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, is a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain. The use of humor can be a helpful tool in communication at times. On the other hand, sarcasm can be used to express feelings that, similar to passive-aggression, one does not want to communicate directly. Both passive-aggression and sarcasm can be damaging in relationships and contribute to toxic environments.

It’s important to draw a distinction between saying something at all and saying something at the right place/time, as well as how something is communicated. When and how something is communicated is just as important as communicating in the first place. It’s also important to identify if what is communicated will result in a desired outcome and if that desired income will add value. Communicating just to do so isn’t the ultimate goal but communicating with a purpose to achieve positive growth and/or change personally, professionally, and organizationally.

What keeps you from communicating your true thoughts or feelings? How are you communicating what you mean? Consider these questions and ways you might share meaningful and healthy messages with others.

I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.

Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.

Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.

Healthy Messages™ 6/30/22 Healthy Messages™ 6/30/22

Sharing Intentionally

For individuals in service or people-facing roles, sharing information is an integral part of their work with others. Receiving information is of course relevant for understanding what clients want and/or need but in large part it’s the information that they have to share that prompts a need for their help. Similarly, for individuals receiving services or supports, it is natural to both receive and share information but they are largely motivated to seek out services based on their need for some form of assistance.

Being intentional in sharing information might come easier for professionals or business owners, as well as clients of their services, because there is a specific purpose to achieve. For instance, a financial services professional meeting with a client shares information that pertains to better understanding, growing, and/or protecting money as it relates to that client's goal of investing money for an early retirement by age 60. Or a violin instructor working with a student shares information on how to read and play music in support of that client’s desire to play in their city’s orchestra the following fall. In these examples and other services you can probably think of we see an exchange of specific information with the intention of meeting a specific need.

For all businesses, whether private or for-profit, grant funded, large, or small, it’s important to stay focused on the purpose, the goals that clients want to achieve, and how this relates to the organization’s desired outcomes. Challenges can arise when communication, whether verbal, written, or behavioral, don’t align, resulting in unclear and disjointed inputs and outputs, as well as wasted, misused, even abused resources.

Applying intentionality in sharing can be beneficial organizationally, professionally, and personally. At times though, it can be more difficult to discern intentionality on a personal level. Even within a professional context there is always the possibility for our individual beliefs, values, and passions to motivate us. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, especially if what motivates us lines up with our organization’s mission, vision, goals, services, and outcomes. However, there may be instances when they don’t because they are inconsistent or contrary to them. Sadly, these inconsistencies are sometimes inappropriate in that they include negative, hurtful, or harmful reactions towards others due to personal challenges that the professional is experiencing. Or it could just be a mismatch in intentions between the professional providing services and the client seeking to access them. Thus, it is important for both parties to be clear and on the same page. Sometimes the work that we do involves uncertainty and depends on the judgment of the professional, which can include some risk, thus practicing discretion or sensitivity to others, as well as one’s environment or context, is crucial. Outside of professional contexts, the same can be applied in our personal lives. We may be motivated by our beliefs, values, and passions to provide support to others, whether friends, family, or strangers. Just the same, we are most effective in relationships with others when we are understanding of and able to effectively meet the needs of others consistently and appropriately.

Personally, professionally, and organizationally, we have an opportunity to share intentionally in the lives of others. What strengths do you possess in sharing intentionally or on purpose with the people in your life? How would you like to grow or improve in this area?

Feel free to share your thoughts on this writing in the comments or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.

Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in service/people-facing roles craft, implement, and improve healthy messages, effectively communicating messages in words, actions, and ideas in one’s life/work, writing, and within and across systems (whole and holistic messaging).

Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.

Healthy Messages™ 11/30/20 Healthy Messages™ 11/30/20

Not Your Average Counselor

When you hear the word ‘counselor’, what comes to mind? For different people, this word may mean or represent different things, reflect different experiences, and serve different purposes.

In the Mental Health field, a counselor is someone who may assist an individual who may be experiencing one or more symptoms, such as anxiety or depression, causing distress or challenges in their life to navigate these issues and develop positive ways of coping over a short or long period of time.

I associate counseling with spiritual, emotional/mental health, and overall life challenges. Throughout my life, I have been accustomed to individuals providing pastoral and mental/emotional counsel, as well as mentorship, and have observed them to all provide a great source of support in meeting respective needs.

In thinking about what counseling means to people, I am challenged to consider characteristics which serve to support the growth and independence of others. In my experiences, I have witnessed characteristics commonly associated with various forms of helping professions or human services which have at times been contrary to growth and independence due to its care giving or care taking nature.

Naturally, I am a good listener, calm, gentle, and sensitive to people’s needs. In working directly with individuals who have sought support for various life challenges this is feedback I have regularly received from others, including staff and clients. I value these characteristics that make me who I am. On the other hand, there are other characteristics that make me who I am that I feel are just as important, if not more, depending on the nature of the work or relationship – being honest, asking hard questions, setting good boundaries (saying ‘no’), and encouraging people to utilize their personal strengths to support growth and independence. While the former characteristics described are often associated with helping professions or human services, I cannot say the latter is as expected. These are the characteristics that I feel are unfortunately largely missing from direct practice and related organizations but are necessary for the health and success of individuals and organizations.

The absence of these characteristics and larger presence of care giving and care taking deterred me from the very areas that I am naturally good in as I did not feel like there was a place for me to utilize all of my strengths. Yet, I have had to remain true to myself and offer my unique abilities where I believe they are most needed, including advocating for positive change in mental health and human services. Just like I was challenged to consider characteristics which serve to support the growth and independence of others, I also challenge others. I repeat the characteristics I’ve found to be missing the most in helping professions or human service organizations - honesty, asking hard questions, setting good boundaries (saying ‘no’), and encouraging people to utilize their personal strengths to support growth and independence. The next time you think about counseling, consider these characteristics in addition to being a good listener, calm, gentle, and sensitive to people’s needs. And the next time you start to doubt you are ‘not your average counselor’, think again. You may just represent qualities, skills, and abilities that add value to the lives of others and contributes to needed systemic and organizational change.