The Power of Silence
Have you ever taken a moment to sit in perfect silence? If so, what was that like for you? I have personally found it to be extremely peaceful — it presents an opportunity to think thoughtfully and hear the sounds around and within. Unfortunately, I don’t find that I do it often enough. In considering this, I would like to propose to you that there is power in keeping silent when it comes to expressing oneself verbally in the midst of difficult or challenging conversations. There is often a tendency to feel the need to RESPOND, particularly when one feels pressured or backed into a corner. I would say it has become almost ingrained in us to have to have an answer for everything. It requires awareness and practice to skillfully approach communication, including how one adjusts messages in the face of adversity, which is why I personally labor in this area and seek to support others to be successful in the messages they share. I have even prided myself on communication — being responsive to people’s inquiries, including getting back to them in a timely manner, checking in or following up, letting others know they are heard, providing thoughtful responses, and giving a voice to areas that need change. Yet, I have put more pressure on myself than I should when it comes to responding to unhealthy or negative communication from others. In these cases, I have not always used silence to my advantage.
There are times when people can be confrontational, maybe even hostile towards you (there is a time and place for necessary, healthy confrontation). You have likely experienced this in your own life, including your work. What do you do in those moments? Maybe you become defensive and shut down or become upset and match them in their communication with you. Maybe you become angry, scared, or anxious. Maybe there is the urge to feel heard, liked, even “right”. Maybe you do not respond at all. Not giving a response is not entirely what I mean by keeping silent. I believe we should get to a place where we can acknowledge what people are saying without responding in a way that is out of character or that causes unnecessary conflict or hardship. What I am advocating for is stopping to pause before responding and, if necessary, choosing to hold back from saying what you may feel pressured to say in the moment or think thoughtfully about the response that will speak directly to the present need(s). Think about what your experiences would be like if you considered and put this into practice. If this was our standard practice, I imagine we would have more opportunities for open dialogue and to gain mutual understanding and ultimately healthier relationships.
This is an area I have been working through steadfastly for several years with failures and successes. I am regularly reminding myself to give room to respond in a way that adds value, not only to myself but to others. I believe it is an area majorly in need of attention personally and professionally, especially when it comes to being in communication with those who are emotionally/mentally vulnerable. The goal is to offer the best solution while supporting all who are involved, including yourself. If you’re like me and you’ve had an unpleasant or challenging encounter with someone and you didn’t respond in the way you wanted to (in my case, giving as brief and simple a response as possible with assurance and confidence), you begin to beat yourself up and mull over what you would have done differently. I would like to encourage you not to beat yourself up and use it as an opportunity to learn from the experience so you can be successful next time. I would also like to encourage you to do something we don’t think to do enough, which is communicate the fact that you need time to think about an appropriate response and will get back to them. 😊 Or, when appropriate, you might ask questions instead of giving answers. I come back to my earlier and ultimate recommendation to embrace, and not fear, silence. Consider how you would like to respond to others in the midst of challenging conversations. Remember. Take time out. Be kind to and patient with yourself and thoughtful of others. Craft healthy messages.
I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.
Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.
Natural Gifts
What are you naturally gifted at doing? No one can teach you this. You could gain new skills in this area but otherwise could do it without formal education. It’s just what you are good at. Another way of saying something comes naturally to you is it is an ability or quality you were uniquely born with. Can you think of particular characteristics, qualities, and/or abilities that stick out to as natural gifts? Or maybe it’s something others have told you they appreciate about you.
Your unique qualities, characteristics, and/or abilities are what make you, you. There are times though when what was intended to be a help can be taken for granted or taken advantage of. We often know what it’s like to have kindness taken for weakness. In this case, the strengths we possess can begin to feel like burdens. This is never a good experience and can cause harm for all involved. In my own life, I can say I have not always recognized my natural gifts. In fact, I’m realizing more and more I almost ran away from them. Subconsciously, due to negative experiences where my strengths were taken as weaknesses, I had developed fears. So instead of taking the initiative as the leader I was purposed to be, I took the back seat. Instead of speaking up, I listened. Supporting others and having a listening ear are all wonderful qualities to have and are integral for leadership (I feel they also make me who I am today). In my case, though, there were instances when I wasn’t reaching my full potential. I was actually stunting my growth by accepting defeat. Taking the initiative and advocating for and encouraging change are two of my greatest strengths. Thus, in addition to recognizing the value you have to offer to others, it’s important to be aware of the ways in which you are not embracing all that makes you special, including what may be perceived as a weakness.
When you give a gift to someone, something amazing happens, especially if it is a gift that meets a particular need that someone has. An exchange occurs that is mutually beneficial. Not only is someone positively impacted by what you share with them but you too are positively impacted by helping others. A friend shared recently about the joy of learning from helping others. This reminded me of the significance of gift giving and the opportunity we all have to take part in sharing and receiving the best we have to offer.
Take some time to think more about the natural gifts (qualities, characteristics, and/or abilities) you possess. Consider your life experiences, what you recognize as personal strengths and passions, and the gift you may be in the lives of others.
I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.
Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.
Taking Care of Hearts
Once I was given a gift by a student intern at the community action agency I was working at - a mug that read ‘Taking Care of Hearts is my Business’. Although I don't have the mug anymore due to it sadly breaking one day, it has always stuck with me for more reasons than one. I appreciated the student’s kindness. It was also meaningful to me because I believed it spoke to my purpose in dedicating time to helping others emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. As well, that I wanted to literally start my own business in service to others.
Taking care of hearts is a unique opportunity. As one assisting others through the healing journey, you are witness to the good and the bad. On the healing journey, overcoming challenges can be difficult, requiring endurance, patience, self-love, and support. It is amazing though to get to the other side, to see the progress, the growth. In walking with others, there is also an opportunity to develop a trusting relationship, encourage, and show compassion.
Have you ever heard of the phrase ‘wounded healer’? I first heard this when I was in the first year of my master’s in social work program from my micro practice class instructor. When I heard her share about this, it immediately appealed to me because for quite some time I have felt called to work with leaders who have also sought healing in their own lives and seek to assist others in the same or similar journey. I've come to appreciate the support that leaders need in not only achieving positive mental health but maintaining it and to ensure organizational health and success.
What about you? Can you relate to ‘taking care of hearts’? How do you do this? Maybe, like me, you also appreciate working with leaders who have experienced healing in some capcity. I would love to learn more about you and your work or personal journey. Share a comment below or reach out on the website under Whole Leader Group. I look forward to connecting with you!
Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24
I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.
Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.