Difficult Conversations
Although we’d prefer to avoid it, we’re all bound to experience difficult conversations at some time or another. It’s an area that can bring a degree of anxiety and concern. However, it can be what stands between us and significant change or positive growth for ourselves and others, personally and/or organizationally. The goal is to navigate difficult conversations effectively/well toward achieving successful outcomes.
What makes a conversation difficult? According to Merriam-Webster, something that is difficult is 1. hard to do, make, or carry out or 2. hard to deal with, manage, or overcome. Both descriptions speak to the challenges that are faced by the sharer and receiver of these types of conversations. On the other hand, the sharer is more likely to experience challenges in carrying out the conversation, as well as managing the outcome of it. Thus, the primary focus of this writing is difficult conversations for the sharer.
In following the question of what makes conversations difficult, we might find that conversations are considered more or less difficult based on our perceptions or beliefs. Oftentimes, we’re uncertain how others will respond to what we have to share. It’s possible that the topic could come as a surprise to them or potentially be received negatively. But, difficult, or hard, conversations don’t have to be.
Motivations for Sharing
Information might be shared with others for a number of reasons, but topics that can be more difficult than others can include issues related to:
Areas for improvement, say in work performance.
Unhealthy behaviors that have negatively impacted someone or others.
Keeping someone or others accountable/responsible for their words/actions.
Other areas of concern, as they pertain to work or life.
What someone shares might depend on their relationship with the receiver, whether they are a supervisor/manager for a person on their team, a family member who has authority in the life of another, a teacher or mentor, peer/friend, and/or person of influence within a community. Additionally, the information shared will depend on the nature of the task at hand.
Learned Experiences
While it’s challenging to be the initiator of difficult conversations, we’ve all likely experienced what it’s like to be on the receiving end and can use this as a guide for how we might carry out difficult conversations with others. Consider:
What went well when others shared hard topics with you?
How did they approach you?
What feedback did they share?
How did it impact you?
Did what they share lead to growth or change?
If what they shared did not go well, it negatively impacted you, or you can answer no to the last question above, what would you have done differently if it was you sharing? The answer to this question can also be challenging to answer. As mentioned earlier, our perceptions or beliefs about a conversation being difficult can limit us in sharing or prevent us from sharing at all. The same can be applied when we’re receiving information. We may not be as open to hearing what someone has to share, lack insight or awareness into the issue or need presented, or become easily offended. This is extremely important to note. Sometimes it takes having some time away from a situation, counsel from others, or ultimately personal growth, insight, or awareness to understand the benefits to or value of what was being shared. There are times when information may be hard to hear because it highlights our weaknesses or the areas where we can grow. This isn’t bad necessarily, as it’s something we all have to go through. We are all growing in different ways and at different levels. What’s important is how we navigate those situations. Again, our experiences can be helpful lessons for us in supporting others.
Creating Value
As a leader, or someone who influences others, the best that we can do is create value through our words and actions. Sharing difficult conversations can no doubt be hard. Not only might you have to share something that could cause pain, either because it’s hard to hear or receive or it requires some type of change or a decision on another’s part, but you must be in a position to share information well. In the prior writing on leadership, the topic of whole leadership was highlighted. Leading well includes being aware of oneself and others, intentional, thoughtful, responsible, and accountable. Additionally, one must be courageous and bold. Not everyone will feel comfortable bringing up some topics, but it doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be. Change is often a result of problems or issues that arise. It can simply be the catalyst that’s needed for better outcomes. Lastly, and most importantly, it makes all the difference when what you share is out of a desire to help others grow.
What have your experiences been with sharing or receiving difficult information? How can you grow in this area? This writing provides a high-level overview of leadership and healthy messages. To explore these and other topics more, please view current and upcoming writings, and feel free to share a comment. Please note that the next set of writings will be shared in September/October 2024 to allow time for writing and ongoing business development. Keep a look out for brief videos on various topics in the meantime.
Request a free consultation to get started with services and reach out if interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ provides professional consulting services for the growth and positive change of individuals, leaders, and organizations within areas of service. Whether you’re a professional seeking to develop new skills, a leader or business owner wanting to see positive change across systems, or someone in need of direct writing support or a partner to simply walk with and advise along the journey, there are many ways to create healthy messages. Learn more about Healthy Messages™’ mission, vision, and outcomes.
Leadership and Healthy Messages
Leaders play a special role in the lives of others. Think of some of the most influential leaders you’ve encountered in your life. There are a number of skills and qualities they could have possessed that appealed to you, whether they were fearless, experts in their field, great communicators, or immensely selfless, among other attributes. One thing is for sure — they made a positive impact, one that left a lasting impression and/or contributed to growth and change.
The Faces of Leadership
Leadership, according to Merriam-Webster, is defined as the office or position of a leader; the capacity to lead; or the act or an instance of leading. This shows the width and breadth of leadership, whether one is filling a formal leadership role or taking the initiative to lead at home, work, or within their community. Some of the most influential leaders that might come to mind were not tasked to lead but felt compelled to in order to address an issue or meet a need. It’s important to not discredit the influence we can all have in our lives and work every day. Maybe this is you. Or perhaps you don’t see how you influence others at all. Consider your “sphere of influence,” personally and professionally, and the areas where you can make a positive contribution or effect change.
Challenges and Misuses or Abuses of Power
In addition to the leaders we remember fondly, we’ve all likely encountered leaders who, unfortunately, have stood out for not-so-good reasons. There are individuals who might serve in a leadership role due to their knowledge of a certain area, even “seniority,” but lack some of the skills and/or qualities that would make them better leaders. Some of these leaders are largely not good at working with people, and exhibit negative behaviors, such as placing blame or pointing the finger, being overly critical or putting others down, miscommunicating, and/or abusing their power, to name a few.
Oftentimes, we lack awareness of the power or influence we can have on others. Whether providing pertinent information to a group of people, giving someone advice on how to handle an issue, or posting a message on social media, it’s important to think about the impact it might have on others. This isn’t to say that one should be so cautious that they end up not sharing what might be necessary. On the other hand, within the larger society where it’s easy to share information, including potentially thoughtless or inconsiderate opinions and criticism, and just as easy to be criticized for doing the opposite, it’s crucial to keep the tenets of healthy messaging in mind. A healthy message 1. serves an intended purpose, fosters growth, and/or brings about positive change, for yourself and others, and 2. is clear and consistent, aligned with values and goals, and contributes to organizational objectives, if applicable.
Key Leadership Skills
In whatever capacity you lead or influence others, it’s always worthwhile to develop or refine skills that improve your impact. The International Institue for Management Development (IMD) noted eight key leadership skills you need to know in 2024, including:
Relationship building — the foundation of a high-performing team.
Agility and adaptability — staying at the cutting edge as a leader.
Innovation and creativity — learning to push your boundaries.
Employee motivation — improving engagement and efficiency.
Decision-making — leading with conviction.
Conflict management — keeping the peace.
Negotiation — winning the game.
Critical thinking — understanding the links between ideas.
Do you consider yourself a leader, and if so, what makes your leadership or influence beneficial to others? If you don’t consider yourself a leader or question your influence on others, why is that? This writing provides a high-level overview of leadership and healthy messages. To explore these and other topics more, please view current and upcoming writings, and feel free to share a comment. Request a free consultation to get started with services and reach out if interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ provides professional consulting services for the growth and positive change of individuals, leaders, and organizations around areas of service. Whether you’re a professional seeking to develop new skills, a leader or business owner wanting to see positive change across systems, or either in need of direct writing support or a partner to simply walk with and advise you along the journey, there are many ways to create healthy messages. Learn more about Healthy Messages™’ mission, vision, and outcomes.
What Does it Mean to Create Healthy Messages?
What does it mean to “create healthy messages?” You might be asking yourself this question if it’s your first time being introduced to the topic. Or maybe you have some idea of the topic but are not exactly sure. Whether you’re familiar with or new to Healthy Messages™, now is a great time to explore its purpose in greater detail.
At its core, Healthy Messages™ is a reflection of its name. To expound on this more, first consider what it means to be “healthy.” It’s synonymous with “well,” “strong,” and “whole,” to name a few, and according to Miriam-Webster, it means “beneficial to one’s physical, mental, or emotional state, conducive to or associated with good health.” “Good” is important to note. When someone or something is healthy, it is in good health, compared to poor health, and similarly will embody an appearance that is representative of this. Take a plant, for instance. When healthy, its leaves appear green and vibrant. If unhealthy, its leaves might start to fade in color or wilt, and ultimately it doesn’t grow.
Next, a message is a “communication in writing, in speech, or by signals.” A message is also “an underlying theme or idea,” which makes a message particularly significant. Think of the most meaningful messages you’ve heard or read throughout your life. Rather than just sharing for the sake of sharing, an intentional or purposeful message provides a benefit to you and is constructive to you in your life, even if it doesn’t always feel that way at first. Take, for instance, the times you might have received a message that was difficult for you. This could be because an issue or some area of weakness that needed to be improved was the focus of the conversation. It’s hard to hear when you’ve made a mistake or didn’t do your best or what you hoped you would, or if things couldn’t have been better, it somehow caused a negative reaction.
Whatever the case may be, if shared effectively, a healthy message will ultimately serve an intended purpose, foster growth, and/or bring about positive change, for yourself and others.
The term “healthy” is also inspired by work with individuals within various aspects of service. One area of concern is human or helping services, including mental health care, intersections between mental and health care, faith-based services, and other community-based initiatives. Helping people in need is largely purpose-driven work and brings meaningful rewards, both for the giver and receiver. On the other hand, it has its share of challenges — high demand/stress, limited resources, and risks to one’s own mental and/or physical health, to name a few. Additionally, in many cases, there is an absence of values and ideals synonymous with “good” health in the very places where this is a huge aspect of its mission and vision, such as effectively achieving outcomes like growth and change or excellent customer satisfaction. The same could be said of professional services, another area of concern, including human resources, consulting, coaching, and training (learning and development). Across service areas, non-profit and for-profit businesses, there is an expectation of greater responsibility and accountability, thus a consistent need for leaders, professionals, and owners alike to consider inconsistencies in messages conveyed through words and actions, gaps between ideals and practices, even a lack of positive customer experiences, all of which ultimately detract from the outcomes they hope to achieve.
A healthy message is clear and consistent, aligned with values and goals, and contributes to organizational objectives.
How do you create healthy messages? Healthy Messages™ provides professional consulting services for the growth and positive change of individuals, leaders, and organizations around areas of service. Whether you’re a professional seeking to develop new skills, a leader or business owner wanting to see positive change across systems, or either in need of direct writing support or a partner to simply walk with and advise you along the journey, there are many ways to create healthy messages.
This writing provides a high-level overview of what it means to create healthy messages. To explore these and other topics more, please view current and upcoming writings, and feel free to share a comment. Request a free consultation to get started with services and reach out to partner.
Healthy Messages™ provides professional consulting services for the growth and positive change of individuals, leaders, and organizations within areas of service. Learn more about Healthy Messages™’ mission, vision, and outcomes.