Difficult Conversations
Although we’d prefer to avoid it, we’re all bound to experience difficult conversations at some time or another. It’s an area that can bring a degree of anxiety and concern. However, it can be what stands between us and significant change or positive growth for ourselves and others, personally and/or organizationally. The goal is to navigate difficult conversations effectively/well toward achieving successful outcomes.
What makes a conversation difficult? According to Merriam-Webster, something that is difficult is 1. hard to do, make, or carry out or 2. hard to deal with, manage, or overcome. Both descriptions speak to the challenges that are faced by the sharer and receiver of these types of conversations. On the other hand, the sharer is more likely to experience challenges in carrying out the conversation, as well as managing the outcome of it. Thus, the primary focus of this writing is difficult conversations for the sharer.
In following the question of what makes conversations difficult, we might find that conversations are considered more or less difficult based on our perceptions or beliefs. Oftentimes, we’re uncertain how others will respond to what we have to share. It’s possible that the topic could come as a surprise to them or potentially be received negatively. But, difficult, or hard, conversations don’t have to be.
Motivations for Sharing
Information might be shared with others for a number of reasons, but topics that can be more difficult than others can include issues related to:
Areas for improvement, say in work performance.
Unhealthy behaviors that have negatively impacted someone or others.
Keeping someone or others accountable/responsible for their words/actions.
Other areas of concern, as they pertain to work or life.
What someone shares might depend on their relationship with the receiver, whether they are a supervisor/manager for a person on their team, a family member who has authority in the life of another, a teacher or mentor, peer/friend, and/or person of influence within a community. Additionally, the information shared will depend on the nature of the task at hand.
Learned Experiences
While it’s challenging to be the initiator of difficult conversations, we’ve all likely experienced what it’s like to be on the receiving end and can use this as a guide for how we might carry out difficult conversations with others. Consider:
What went well when others shared hard topics with you?
How did they approach you?
What feedback did they share?
How did it impact you?
Did what they share lead to growth or change?
If what they shared did not go well, it negatively impacted you, or you can answer no to the last question above, what would you have done differently if it was you sharing? The answer to this question can also be challenging to answer. As mentioned earlier, our perceptions or beliefs about a conversation being difficult can limit us in sharing or prevent us from sharing at all. The same can be applied when we’re receiving information. We may not be as open to hearing what someone has to share, lack insight or awareness into the issue or need presented, or become easily offended. This is extremely important to note. Sometimes it takes having some time away from a situation, counsel from others, or ultimately personal growth, insight, or awareness to understand the benefits to or value of what was being shared. There are times when information may be hard to hear because it highlights our weaknesses or the areas where we can grow. This isn’t bad necessarily, as it’s something we all have to go through. We are all growing in different ways and at different levels. What’s important is how we navigate those situations. Again, our experiences can be helpful lessons for us in supporting others.
Creating Value
As a leader, or someone who influences others, the best that we can do is create value through our words and actions. Sharing difficult conversations can no doubt be hard. Not only might you have to share something that could cause pain, either because it’s hard to hear or receive or it requires some type of change or a decision on another’s part, but you must be in a position to share information well. In the prior writing on leadership, the topic of whole leadership was highlighted. Leading well includes being aware of oneself and others, intentional, thoughtful, responsible, and accountable. Additionally, one must be courageous and bold. Not everyone will feel comfortable bringing up some topics, but it doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be. Change is often a result of problems or issues that arise. It can simply be the catalyst that’s needed for better outcomes. Lastly, and most importantly, it makes all the difference when what you share is out of a desire to help others grow.
What have your experiences been with sharing or receiving difficult information? How can you grow in this area? This writing provides a high-level overview of leadership and healthy messages. To explore these and other topics more, please view current and upcoming writings, and feel free to share a comment. Please note that the next set of writings will be shared in September/October 2024 to allow time for writing and ongoing business development. Keep a look out for brief videos on various topics in the meantime.
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