Effective Self-disclosure
Self-disclosure seems clear enough — one’s disclosure about themselves. However, self-disclosure involves a lot more consideration than what might be perceived — what should someone disclose, and when, and how does one self-disclose effectively? In today’s age of sharing what one thinks, does, or believes on a regular basis online, the art and science behind self-disclosure might not readily come to mind.
What is self-disclosure?
According to the Berkley Well-Being Institute, self-disclosure “is an aspect of communication that involves intentionally sharing personal information about ourselves with another person — information that others generally could not know without us sharing it.”
Why self-disclose?
Sharing about ourselves is a way for us to connect with others. The extent of what we share, however, could depend on the relationship and also help shape those relationships. For instance, we might share something less personal, say an interest we have, with someone we’re just getting to know but more personal (i.e., something we’re struggling with) with a close friend, family member, or mentor who we’ve grown to trust.
How much should someone self-disclose?
While it’s important to open up with others we want to get to know, and they us, we also want to keep in mind that self-disclosure is incremental in effective interpersonal relationships. Over-disclosing, and often, can be overwhelming or burdensome for the listener. The goal is to share the right amount of information. This speaks to the intention or purpose one has for sharing.
The bottom line
Overall, self-disclosure helps individuals form close, intimate social connections. There are also mental and physical health benefits of talking with others. It has been found that repressing emotions can have adverse health effects. Thus, being able to share information with individuals who will have a positive response to what is shared can be extremely impactful. And if we’re a listener, we want to be mindful of the significant role that we can play in supporting others in their sharing. Ultimately, we want to be someone that people can trust/confide in and respect.
The key to effective self-disclosure is sharing information intentionally.
Be other-centered when you disclose. Consider how what you share will affect the other person; don’t disclose just for the sake of disclosing.
Remember self-disclosure is incremental in effective interpersonal relationships. Be careful not to reveal too much too soon.
Decrease self-disclosure if you’re talking to someone and they are not reciprocating/responding.
Share stories, versus history, to invite the listener in/to respond.
What are your thoughts about self-disclosure? How comfortable are you with sharing about yourself with others? Are you someone that people feel safe disclosing information to?
I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect or receive support, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.
Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.
To Say, or Not to Say? That is the Question.
We’ve all experienced challenges with knowing what to say and when at times in our lives. Some areas that this applies to include expressing concerns, sharing advice, speaking up for oneself, or giving guidance or feedback, to name a few. What about choosing to say something or nothing at all?
For some it can be difficult to refrain from speaking, especially if passionate about a particular subject or issue. Today there’s a lot of information disseminated and different topics discussed, even debated, on an ongoing basis. There’s hardly a time where we don’t hear someone’s ideas or opinions. This is both the advantage and challenge of social media and digital content. Or there are societal, life, and/or work pressures which personally impact people, prompting them to speak up. We might speak because there’s a sense of being in control of what we would like to result from our actions. Maybe we worry that an absence of speaking will affect us or others in a negative way. Possibly we are concerned about what people might think of us if we don’t. On the other hand, there's significant value to not buckling under internal and external pressures to speak, be they good or bad.
Sharing information that you promised or are expected to provide in ways that demonstrate your responsibility or accountability to others, as well as showing thoughtfulness or consideration of others through your words and actions, is extremely important in bearing witness to maturity and healthy messaging. Additionally, not feeling the need to have an answer for everything that is not warranted or needed is just as imperative. At times, this can be harder than getting up the nerve to speak up. Not saying something, particularly in the face of hostility of others, denotes strength and self-confidence. Personally, it’s crucial to remain true to your values. Professionally and organizationally, staying the course, including aligning words and actions purposefully, is key to utilizing time and resources effectively and achieving intended outcomes.
Think of other benefits of not having an answer for or response to everything. In high pressure situations, for instance, what you say or not can have life changing or life altering consequences. In the end, will you embark on new opportunities, complete a task, resolve matters, develop or maintain a relationship, or, most of all, maintain your character? I’m reminded of a proverb which says, “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” Similarly, I love this quote from Roy T. Bennett: “A smart person knows how to talk. A wise person knows when to be silent.” Communication is not completely about what is said. It’s also about making strategic choices about what not to say.
In what ways do you refrain from speaking, and what benefits result from this? For you, when is it purposeful to say something, or not at all?
I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.
Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.