Say What You Mean
You may have heard the phrase say what you mean, and mean what you say. For me, this means to clearly communicate my wishes and intentions while being fully committed to what is conveyed. I find saying what one means especially relevant for healthy communication. It demonstrates one’s ability to be open, honest, patient/thoughtful, considerate, and confident. Oftentimes we can exhibit behaviors that are the opposite of this - closed, dishonest, impatient or hasty, inconsiderate, and uncertain or fearful. We can display varying forms of communication, whether excessive (wasteful), limited to none, and even abusive in nature. I imagine we can all relate to the challenge of communicating how we may truly feel. It can certainly be challenging to express feelings in ways that are clear, transparent, consistent, and meaningful.
It’s possible we might not even recognize the times we aren’t sharing our wishes or intentions clearly. Two types of communication that are worth noting are passive-aggression and sarcasm. Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines passive-aggressive as being marked by or displaying behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive passive way (as through procrastination and stubbornness). In other words, someone’s feelings may be shown in a physical way but otherwise not communicated directly. Sarcasm, according to Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, is a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain. The use of humor can be a helpful tool in communication at times. On the other hand, sarcasm can be used to express feelings that, similar to passive-aggression, one does not want to communicate directly. Both passive-aggression and sarcasm can be damaging in relationships and contribute to toxic environments.
It’s important to draw a distinction between saying something at all and saying something at the right place/time, as well as how something is communicated. When and how something is communicated is just as important as communicating in the first place. It’s also important to identify if what is communicated will result in a desired outcome and if that desired income will add value. Communicating just to do so isn’t the ultimate goal but communicating with a purpose to achieve positive growth and/or change personally, professionally, and organizationally.
What keeps you from communicating your true thoughts or feelings? How are you communicating what you mean? Consider these questions and ways you might share meaningful and healthy messages with others.
I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.
Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.
Self-advocacy in the Workplace
Speaking up for oneself in the workplace can be challenging, let alone anxiety-provoking and/or fear-producing. Most people, if not all, have dealt with the challenges and emotions that result from sharing issues or concerns. Or people suppose this will be the case based on the company culture, including actual or perceived negativity or threats, or limited to no support available to them by those in leadership. Due to this, many people choose to remain silent. It’s possible that support is promised verbally or in writing by leadership but not practiced in reality. Maybe you’ve ventured in the uncertain territories of self-advocacy only to find this to be the case.
When thinking of the issues or concerns that could be brought up in the workplace, I think of matters that are especially important to workers - workplace conditions, environment, culture, pay, benefits, communication, training, advancement, leadership, purpose, growth, and work-life balance, to name a few, and not in any particular order of priority. One might argue that these are the sorts of things that one would or should look into before accepting a position. Another might argue that people are influenced by certain offerings, with the understanding that it may not be an entirely perfect fit. For some, pay could have been a motivating factor. For others, it was the company’s values that drew them. Maybe it was the chance to earn additional experience. It could be something completely different for someone else. Or it’s possible all of the boxes were checked but they later learned of problems that weren’t as apparent before. Perhaps there was an emergence of situations that came up beyond anyone’s control. There are a number of reasons why staff might need to voice issues or concerns. This is also relevant for contractors and consultants who may find even greater challenges in some ways because they were hired for a particular task but do not have access to some of the same benefits as permanent employees. In these circumstances it may take more work on the part of the company and its leaders to ensure that they communicate that everyone is valued and heard.
Despite the best of intentions at times, there may still be a need for self-advocacy. How does one speak up, especially when there’s limited or no support for doing so?
I would like to propose some questions to consider when practicing self-advocacy:
What is the issue or concern?
Do you have a proposed solution?
If you have a proposed solution, would you offer ways to implement it? Or are you aware of others within the team or company who could provide related support, maybe who you could partner with?
If you are unclear of where to turn or how to resolve the issue or concern, are you aware of individuals in leadership who you can speak to about your issues or concerns? As well, are there individuals in positions of influence (not necessarily in a formal leadership role) who can help advocate on your behalf?
As previously noted, self-advocacy can be anxiety-provoking and/or fear-producing. You never know if others, and leadership in particular, will be receptive to what you have to share. Will you be ostracized? Will you be retaliated against? This should not be the case in a healthy organization.However, this is also assuming that the people who make up the organization practice healthy messaging. There is also a lot to be said about presenting the information that you have to share in a way that is clear, consistent, and effective. You may have heard it said before that you should always present a problem with a solution, however I believe that everyone brings unique gifts and abilities and all have a part to play. It may not be realistic to expect everyone to have a solution. What’s most important is having the room and opportunity to express what is working or what isn’t and to ensure ultimately that you’re able to do your best work, which contributes to the overall success of the organization.
What might you advocate for within your respective role(s) or organization? How would you advocate for yourself and/or others?
I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.
Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.
To Say, or Not to Say? That is the Question.
We’ve all experienced challenges with knowing what to say and when at times in our lives. Some areas that this applies to include expressing concerns, sharing advice, speaking up for oneself, or giving guidance or feedback, to name a few. What about choosing to say something or nothing at all?
For some it can be difficult to refrain from speaking, especially if passionate about a particular subject or issue. Today there’s a lot of information disseminated and different topics discussed, even debated, on an ongoing basis. There’s hardly a time where we don’t hear someone’s ideas or opinions. This is both the advantage and challenge of social media and digital content. Or there are societal, life, and/or work pressures which personally impact people, prompting them to speak up. We might speak because there’s a sense of being in control of what we would like to result from our actions. Maybe we worry that an absence of speaking will affect us or others in a negative way. Possibly we are concerned about what people might think of us if we don’t. On the other hand, there's significant value to not buckling under internal and external pressures to speak, be they good or bad.
Sharing information that you promised or are expected to provide in ways that demonstrate your responsibility or accountability to others, as well as showing thoughtfulness or consideration of others through your words and actions, is extremely important in bearing witness to maturity and healthy messaging. Additionally, not feeling the need to have an answer for everything that is not warranted or needed is just as imperative. At times, this can be harder than getting up the nerve to speak up. Not saying something, particularly in the face of hostility of others, denotes strength and self-confidence. Personally, it’s crucial to remain true to your values. Professionally and organizationally, staying the course, including aligning words and actions purposefully, is key to utilizing time and resources effectively and achieving intended outcomes.
Think of other benefits of not having an answer for or response to everything. In high pressure situations, for instance, what you say or not can have life changing or life altering consequences. In the end, will you embark on new opportunities, complete a task, resolve matters, develop or maintain a relationship, or, most of all, maintain your character? I’m reminded of a proverb which says, “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” Similarly, I love this quote from Roy T. Bennett: “A smart person knows how to talk. A wise person knows when to be silent.” Communication is not completely about what is said. It’s also about making strategic choices about what not to say.
In what ways do you refrain from speaking, and what benefits result from this? For you, when is it purposeful to say something, or not at all?
I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to share a comment or reach out if you’d like to connect, have questions, or are interested in partnering.
Healthy Messages™ helps professionals, leaders, and business owners in human services improve, craft, and implement communication within and across systems.
Learn more about Healthy Messages™ mission, vision, and outcomes.